I, The Thief on the Left!

I, THE THIEF ON THE LEFT

I awake from my thunderous thrash.
My hands and feet soaked in blood,
I didn't remember much.

Numb this body was,
From all that had happened;
I saw a horde of people,
All waiting to watch us die.

There were three of us that day.
One,
My partner in my crime;

Another,
A Man I never saw till that time.

Tables get ugly for this Man in between…
...The head priest came and spat on him…
...Followed by soldiers whipping him sore.

Everyone mocked this Man, called him “The fragile fool”!
They teased Him to get up and about,
Or show them if He could speak or shout.

My partner goes along with the chanting crowd,
So I think to myself... if I were to follow suit,
I might just be able to get off the hook.

I open my mouth to throw a curse,
Only to gasp in horror of a shameful truce

When I saw this Man again,
I felt Him reading my mind.
A circlet of thorns was jabbed into His crown…
…looking through His locks, a face covered in blood.
I saw more than just His eyes

And I shuddered under my dying breath,

"Forgive me Lord,
Oh Messiah,Son of God! "


Copyright(c)2007 Shivraj Rajaram

"Just Me and My Mind”

"Just Me and my Mind”

Every...now and then I find myself staring on...
...My hollow soul, my aching heart...
I try to say, it will rekindle all my dying thoughts.
As time doesn’t wait, I crash and test my limits to my faith...
I have never been so weak, yet so strong.
I convinced myself that nothing can go further wrong.
I talk and argue with my alter self....
Without you how will I live... Without you how will I die...
Promises made without a thought,
Now come to haunt me for all my very salt.
A two face monster I have become.....
In the day, I oscar my way...to the funniest man alive.
I trick and treat my fellow friends.
Smiling and dancing with every scene.
They say, “Wish they were just as happy....as the boy with the thousand smiles”.
I sulk within for the pain I bare.
Like a empty patient I wander and stare
... For silent death is better than one that rots from within your soul!

In the night I come undone... it’s not so much fun.....
There is puke on my pant and smoke in my lungs...
I can’t contemplate what I have truly become...!
I fool myself and keeping my mind & heart pre-occupied.
I talk non stop and try to bring another a little joy.
I am strong and I’m good. I will rule the world for that is what I should.

Then why today my bleeding heart can't even see this very loss.
A one time contract to live and die ...,for good or for worse,
Through sickness and for health,Through distance or through time.
I have to stand by.Stand by thee.
A last hope, she will one day smile and I will bounce back as I always did.
I will have to be strong and carry her till my kingdom comes.
A new meaning with an old cause. I will not quit….I shall fight on.

BY Shiv on 31/11/2006 dedicated to the woman who made me strong
Copyright(c)2007 Shivraj Rajaram

"Final Kiss..."

"I'm bleeding and bleeding….. Bleeding low...
Red stains run down, to my shoes...
Into the tub of solace & seclude.I'm sinking...
...and this is just the prelude...
There is a slow damping feeling...
...As bubbles of water wets my toes
The warm flow through veins,
pumping a silent tune
No struggle to tame,
just waiting for the final game
No real sight just a candle light - running dim...
The most romantic date with death has just begun.
Falling into my destiny's arms I shall dance with her...
..I will win this race of time… no matter what may come.
All things I thought was lost.. I will gain again from my past..
Worth it or not.. life anchoring into a shady stop..
The beats gets louder in my broken head... as it paces slowly in my chest!
Everything is a blur ... i'm so relaxed now...almost numb

Soothingly, passively, I float to my growing ground..
........My mama’s lap or Dad just driving me around...
...That first kiss, or that ocean sound..
A happy place, No one to bother & no one to miss.
My lady in black is back again...
And with that last grasp of air i gave my.... "Final kiss..."


~ Shiv, 21/12/2006 ( Living Euthanasia)

I’M TRULY SORRY

Stripped to the core for the shame I bare.
I know I'm guilty and not to be spared.

How do I explain it wasn’t me..
It was another man another me.
I had the demon in my soul.
Intoxicating the very me with wine and gold.

For all my Sins I have to reap.
I suffer silently, I cannot sleep
Silent hums of this wrenched kind
Joy as they have conned me like a child

I dint mean a single thing.
Yet there are marks that I cannot clean.
These physical bruises may fade away..
It the emotional scar that I have no say..

No real reason, just a spark...
I keep asking myself…
How could I?

No bleeding heart...
No crying eyes..
I can’t take your pain away.

A court room filled with only you,
All I hear is your scream and boo’s...
I am judged for this single evil action..
Hang me now, for I too have cracked.
Beat me till I forever drop...
Don’t bother …don’t even stop!

....I'm Truly Sorry!

Dedicated To DJ ~ In my Little Bro’s shoe

- by Shiv ( 19/12/2006)

Sound of solitude

Sound of solitude (Anagram of Secrets of silence)


O wings of solitude, you reached within my sleep,

O misery of the home, you whistled into my eco,

O trinity in the quest, you unrevised my aspirations,

O mime jungles, you eventfully evoked my jury,

O Brutus of the cause, your closing on the paradise inn.

Uprooted away the maverick dish in my can.

O windfall of the tact smiles, you ogre out all the disgust.

There I slept, seeking for the evasion

Which could coach the vaad in her epitome.



:) its not meant to have serious under tone... :D hehe just an pun / anagram!!

Dedicated to the "god bless gal"!!!

PS. please read the real work...:) this is a souless anagram of a master piece!

Mordant Massacre.

Many breeds have come and gone
All beings tortured for eons.
Some perish into extinction,
Some find it a useless cause.
All gutted before any revolution even starts.

It funny how they fed us and breed us,
What reason could they have to treat us?
They trick us in believe they do care.
But then they steal our young
Before they could even run!

I have seen a million of my fellow prisoners.
They checked upon us on rotation for being sick,
Before queuing the healthiest one is to be the pick.
Some Shackled in chains,
Some bounded by cages.

Finally transported to the gateau of gore

My father and his father before,
All their fates have been the same.

Their kind chooses us one by one or lots us into some kind of batch.
Then they drag into this deadly den,
A single Scream heard before the blade strikes in.
Stench of blood oozing… out...
A deafening silence followed by a humiliation
Stripping some and bagging the rest.
Some parts let lose to hang.
Showing we have no prayer or kind.

Are we born with no choice to freedom?
Are we just mechanism to feed them?

A listless life, they may assume,
I don’t intend to become food.

As labeled well,
In this massacre of the live stock!

Cricking Chair

I'm angry as always, But... I'm sure all is fine...
This so called end to, "the most feared of my kind".

Pa, told me once... I wont be anything,
like a broken record it played in my head
But see Pa!!! I made it big.
I'm on the front page now, "Daddy go read"!

Even through this bullet ridden chest,
This broken jaw, I can re-collect a faded face,
That blue eyed boy who was belted like a Pig!

I managed to make it all,PA!!!
Still ... We do what we have to do.... to stand tall,
It was either that or to fear & fall.

No real regret, I will not bend,
Nor will I listen to you.... lousy hypocrites.

I hate to think they want me to ask forgiveness.
Two decades with a gun as a Toy,
Can really change a boy...Dont you agree?

Ah!! My favorite dish they asked me to write.
If i could write wouldn't I become a teacher or a sort!
I blame YOU,
Yes YOU! For not watching over me.
Ma told me YOU would help me when she was gone.

That's why I kicked the Man in the Black coat!
Preaching something he too doesn't even know!

No go away from my mind,
My only friends have arrived.
A last lick of my ice cream..
I want to relish this..

Hmm Home....The turning locks...
and the dozen of doors.

Ah! here comes the fans..
Some in horror,Some in hate,
I dont really care of what they think of my fate!

Darn ....My itching head,
& these leather belts on my hands..
A blind fold and heavy gear above!

This cricking chair
squeaking like a child.
arrrgh!!!

Hello, are you there?
Don't you go ....now,
......I dint mean what I Said!

You know as well as me
I'm sorry... I did what i ..................................


copyright(c)2007 Shivraj Rajaram

I KNOW I'M EVIL

I KNOW I'M EVIL

Do we really know, if the Beast is hiding low..?
How can you say, the Devil is driving slow.
In this insatiable quest for power, ecstasy & show...
Have you had remorse for a stranger’s sorrow?

The demons do there dance like little flames...
As we share them with all our blames…
We have lost our cool... many a times
Started a menacing array of total defiance
We created nuisance to the fools and to the preys...
They are like meats in a can and zombies on trays...
We hate and defy everything forced upon.
Cursing silently like a prayer under our tongue.

"Be evil or be bitten by it"
It’s a new age mantra going around.
Derange and wild it will protect....its everlasting glory!
Seducing anyone, who will try to reject... its never ending story!

Are we seeds from the evil one..?
Why does hate comes so naturally?
A cruel joke mocked by the devil’s tale.
Are born of sin.....? Fact or fable...anyone?
If you think and look real hard,
You will notice, we do hold an evil card.
Secretly, selfishly we do his crime
Hidden from the eyes of the ones we shine
I'm just one of those in a million fools
Who fell into these lies, of our ancestor's tools.

I am evil, I know within...
I can twist and wriggled all my sins.
Greed, Pride, Sloth, Envy
Wrath, Lust or Gluttony
Tell me which sacred sins haven't you done…
Then I won’t be saying these lines to come!

In this trip to hell, I will save a seat.
Don't be fooled of my confusing ways,
You will be the one sitting next to me...!



copyright(c) Shivraj Rajaram

Wrath of the Man Whore

Wrath of the Man Whore (Mental Discretion required)

Wrath of the man… of the fallen one...
Don’t kick him now,
He who is on the ground...
A wounded cub he may be....
Don’t test your luck,
He might just break free

Don’t force him into another scum
Don’t keep twisting his mind into a vacuum.
Bleeding him from ear to toe,
You abused his talent enough for desuetude.

How man will evokes the beast with in.
Instant insanity… the witch will haul in thrice,
….Calling on the collapse of this tyrant rise.

Don’t cage his passion and treat him as a child...
Rage and anger will soon flood … seep & spill...
Forcing man to spit on the grave of the one he will kill.
Don’t make Life a cork... not worth sucking...
Don’t make Life a bitch... not worth fucking...

Try as you may… to squeeze his ball and freeze his brains
But watch out, it’s just a matter of time…
… Whose foot … Whose groins?

The clash of egos has begun...
The jungle rules do apply,
Friends or foe… you should decide...

Snap of the fingers, a timid gesture of hello...
Wait and watch.... the Wrath of the Man whore,
And then hear the screams of the burning ghettos...


Copyright©2007 Shivraj R
Looking into the darker side of my mind!!!

The Dusk And the Dawn

When day is night and night is day,
That split second of change that comes to play.

No breezy day ... No windless night,
Just a moment of the timid twilight!

Our busy mind or our sleepless eyes.
Gasps of a world in changing times.

The mystic forces of the unknown,
Blend of existence of the brilliance shown!

Slow starry retire or sunny trots
A reason to think and define our thoughts.

Bringing in new meaning to pointless reign.
A cycle to refresh the damaged cause.

The ashes we speak about,
Not white... not black,
Just lying in between...
...the thousand shades of grey

by Shiv....

Sorry dint ask both of your permissions...

was just bored..:)

WITHOUT DEATH

Death is a beauty, a painting of the a private name ...
Death wanders lonely, frightening everyone as it came ...

"Life forever", Now there's a thought!!!
There wouldn’t be no end, neither a start...
It would be one monotonous cycle...on & on,
Bring in a false joy of being on the driver’s seat…
But this will dissolve into what is sadness and defeat..!

In-humans would walk the earth...
None would care any less....
For this immortality would be the hidden curse.
Finally...We would want to end this horrid thirst!

Its was never about how long you drag it on..
Its was always about you willing to risk it all.

What would be life, if you never felt death at all...

How close have you come to being drowned?
The breeze through your hair or a silent sound
Wow......... what a feel.... just falling down

Death is an art, collectibles of the divine world.
Souls are sought like rarity...
The once pure are the highest bid!

Death my friend is a destiny, not a brawl
Its inevitable...for one and all.. ..
Just one life... don’t plan to only exist...
Make a mark! For that’s all you got...

Even if it’s a single day
Don’t stop, just start shooting away..
Cheers my friends, the game is on....
The touch of the crow is yet to come

From dust we raise, to dust we will fall...
Forget about Death, till its final call!!!


Copyright©2007 Shivraj Rajaram

I KNOW...
It Still needs work.. but I'm so tied up these days.. thought I'd let you help me edit it .. :)

cheers!

An Ersatz to None ~ The Mother!

Can you hear the rustle…
Can you hear the wind…
It’s in a mother’s prayer that I confine in.

A numinous peace in those forgiving eyes…
A jolt of hope in her constant strives…
A solemn promise she will always keep…
To protect her brood from the drowning deep

This giving nature… no matter how much we test,
She gives it all her very best.
She may scream, she may fight,
She may cry and even black mail us.
She can be impossible for what reason that lies
Behind that entire act is the divine cause.
Not for her own but her little one.
She makes it sound so easy, why don’t we try it for fun?

A hard and tiring job it is…
Doesn’t stop with 36 weeks of caring in her swollen womb…
…Or 36 years of caring for… in her mind.
It’s a never ending task of finding out
It’s her child she always thinks about.

No love like this can ever compare to be.
The greatest of all you sure will see,
Through those misunderstood acts…
We judge selfishly, pushing her aside
Even hurt her meaninglessly.

But when she leaves us, we realize…
The mother is the best...
Even through God’s eyes…

It’s the hardest job of all ….
…In raising You & I !
.

Copyright©2007 Shivraj Rajaram ( 08/03/2007)

Dedicated to the Mothers all around the world!

The Best Mistake my Parent's ever did... My little sister

She......
Is my eternal dairy, a childhood I can never lose?
She is My Little Sister!
The pride of the family and the solace of my home.
She now hopes to make it on her own.

....A transition from child to thee...
.... Some memories quickly flash by me….
.... She eating mud some where around two
.... Those teary eyes I cause for something new....
....Those endless fights I remember not why...
End of the day….She tolerated it all....even me.

Yes at last my little flower made this choice
To end her single run & be born again as a fresh rose

An impossible feeling of love is in the air… today...

Now here I am giving her away.
Ushering my dear slowly into her new domain.
The silent quest ends here...into this bind of love.
An exciting new world with this new member.
I finally shepard her to the man who I will soon call my brother.
A weird feeling as my little baby looks on to another.
I quiver a little and sigh; She so is beautiful, just like my mother.

As I took her tiny hand and gave it onto his.
His gentle eyes spoke ... “I needn’t worry”.
It was all going to be bliss I told my self...still unsure....

Standing around the sanctity of this holy fire...
Them exchanging the rings of romance...
And the chains of commitments

I sail through across the chant and burning incense.
And I notice only her & her smile that said it all....

Touch wood & God Bless !


Copyright(c) 2007 Shivraj Rajaram

FUNERAL IN SMOKES

Saying Goodbye my dearest mate;
Its hard to taste this sorrow of your fate,
This final dance on this final date,
Remembering the old times of debate.

How I knew you would comfort me so,
How I felt your warmth in the horrid snow,
How you would accompany me for a drink,
How you would help me ponder and think.

Its truly sad my lover, my friend;
You've been with me through thick and thin.

I wish to let you know,
You've been there when I was alone,
You were there with me late after work,
You were like the only thing that never let go.

I know you made me many friends,
Even though you never got along with all of them.
Some time I even noticed the stranger's stares.
But I thank you dear for those frustrating days,
For that silence on those far away stays.

And today I choose to kill it all,
End your mesmerizing bind on me,
And choose to throw you in the tarred towel,
I surely will miss thee…

Oh wretched killer of man,
Or the sinful curiosity of a teen,
No matter what they call you,
You've been good to me,

But I don't intend to be devoured like the very rest.

Its time to quit, no looking back,
Fair well my white smoke and golden butt,

Fair well my cigarette!

Copyright(c)2007 Shivraj Amin

Call It Home...

Behold, it comes out of sight,
The thought that is conceived in a spark,
The sun that is born in the dark,
The broken shades of a thousand lights.

It is word that never spoke,
And grief never felt,
A fragrance never smelt,
A mortality never in a choke.

It is joy within sorrow,
It is a mortality on a borrow,
It is a figment that we follow,
It is a today within tomorrow,.

It is music for the deaf;
A patient wait of a sailor coming home;
A word written on sand or stone;
Or a path traced by the flow of a leaf

It is a calm from with in.

It is a heart that never felt alone,
A tribute to the fallen ones,
And the lyrics of the ancient songs,
It is found again in secret unknown.

It is a birth between two deaths,
A pause before your first kiss,
The void in space and bliss,
Only to be held with in breaths.


A bird flying high into the heavens,
A birthday candle waiting for it's blow,
A man in prayer dropping his bow,
A Goal finding us in common.


I seek Home!
Isn't that what the journey is all about?


Copyright(c)2007 Shivraj Amin

The mirror then and mirror now.

It was then when I had peeked upon the shiny stone,
I found a barren land and silent tone!

It was then when I pursed my lips,
I tried to trace the craters of the moon!

It was then when I gaped open my mouth,
I fell into a volcano deeper than the one on Olympus!

It was then when I touched my failing face,
I felt the course abrasive nature of my beard!

It was then when I glanced upon my eyes,
I lost my self in the ghostly land of the souls!

All that changed in time,

It is now when I peak upon the same shiny stone,
I found myself in the springs and the dunes!

It is now when I purse my lips,
I find raspberry tarts and candy sticks!

It is now when I agape my mouth,
I fall into a constant shower of lovely words!

It is now when I touch my flaunting face,
I feel smooth baby skin and grace!

It is now when I glance upon my eyes,
I lose myself in kindness and smiles!

The mirror of Now and The mirror of Then,
The same human being in a different time span!

Copyright(c) 2007 Shivraj Rajaram

Poetic license

Born in a new world of super scholars, Self-proclaimed to be - the never wrong. Preaching as if it was all there own, Following the codes of a free thinker of another time and zone. These demented fools assume too much, To self assign themselves as Gurujis! My visions are clear, I need no intoxicant. I do everything in complete intent. I don’t need another's style, I don’t want to be told how to? I rather fall again and again, Bumping around till I make my ground. The abstract nature of my mind Keeping it cryptic to seek and find I twist in a contradiction to make a plot Deceiving all in reason ...that is not No rules are needed to govern my soul... I don’t need you to tell me that I’m a crazy fool! I won’t use an exotic word to have a fight, I don’t even care if I was ever right. I am the master and the slave to my own soul, No one owns it... it’s a world not defined Filling the blanks to the answer of the unknown; That’s how we learn all we want to know. Listen, my friend... you can have a say! Don’t worry a bit; we all can walk in the Grey. I’ll decide when to run and when to stop Don’t take my word too literally I’m no child of a Holy Ghost. I’m no saint or Demon Lord. I'm not a bigot of Your Humanity. If just a man.. Seeking Within... Till... I have... Thoughts untamed and motives raw. Virgin borders and untouched by laws. I may not be a cure for this mental disease... But I may be the placebo to bring in a release.



copyright©2007 Shivraj Rajaram

Cross-Road

Perplex in this world of unlimited desire,
We seek answers of what will transpire.

In this difficult and complex set of circumstances,
Confusion looms on the course of all acceptances.

How is one to choose the right path?
Or one, just lie there on the cross road choosing not?

This known moral question in life,
A forced notion to seek a certain type.

In this burdened world we walk into the dark.,
Thinking we make the routes as we go along.

Some are acts of your own doing;
Other, being reactions of an outcome.

A cocktail of action and reaction blending in a bowl
How we think, we have done the best of all.

But then again,

May be there are no choices, no dilemma,
We just walk ignorant into what is already written.

Copyright(c)2007 Shivraj Rajaram

Ride with Yama

Half awake in my lucid dream,
I walked across to my window pale;
Dogs hauling loud with agonizing screams,
I hurry up in tying my illusive lace.

I jog below to be held by a noose,
Yanked up behind someone mighty as Zeus.
I sketched along his back in the dark,
Only to find green and red sparks.

I wasn't afraid , I was naively being me.
I poked him questions one after another.
Even though he seem busy with his scrolls.
A million names and thousand sheets,
This Job is only getting harder day by day.

I very well knew he needed a data processor,
then I looked below on his steed,
asked if he was willing to exchange his transport
for something more up to date and speed.

He shoved me down from what was not a horse,
Then he grunted a sound, as if it was all my fault.

I stood up to be told, "My time wasn't up"!
Then I started to ponder if there was any creature he would miss?

I was kicked hard by this very beast,
Almost mocking me with his gory grin.

It had read my mind, this buffalo would live on ....immortal,
That is only if "It" can keep it's job for ever,

Err....Until now It has done just that!

An Angels Conspiracy

Listening to the omens...
They whisper from the wind or the shuffle of the pouring rain.
Through a wrinkle old ladies smile or your neighbor’s dog barking wild...


It could even be waking up for a drink of water...
Returning to find, haunting sounds of the window shattered all over your unseen shrine.
Its may just be a failure of design, But then again could it be all divine.

Is it someone else's prayer watching over you...?
Is it an angel sent by a friend, nudging you through your hardest times?
It’s like an envelope of prayers protecting your every move!

Some time it’s even tougher, like a bird which leaves its nest hungry,
so that the little one can learn to fly....
It’s like reading a foreign book not understanding a word...

But -The omens are out there telling, sometimes even screaming it out...
Good or bad... most of us fail to see or understand...
God speaks through these angels, or these random acts...
They let you know when you might be getting into trouble
Or a moment you supposed to hold on, just a little more.

Ever felt like, you bump into old Friends not knowing ...why?
You took an alternate route... Then you think again ...why?
Even a loved one lost at certain point, is it just to make you what you are?

The angels are conspiring to make you what you are born to be

If you listen well, you won’t rust or turn to dust...
You will just evolve into something more beautiful and just...

A purpose, a goal...a larger cause...?
Have you thought may be all your life was to actually show a lost one his way?

All of us do make it ... we just die not knowing we did so...
.
Sssh... Listen...now...!
It’s all an angel's conspiracy!!!